GaiaOnline Sucks

Gaia Online is free, so it can display ads, right? 

Wrong. First, Gaia Online is not a game. It’s a forum. It’s a forum made from PhPbb, a ressource that is 100% free and takes 30, maybe 40 minutes to install. There are no music to write, there is no marketing to pay, no programmers, no technical support, no add-ons, no boss to design, no graphics to draw (unlike you consider gay, immobile 2d avatars ”graphics”), nothing. We are not saying Gaia doesn’t have the rights to display ads, we are saying that Gaia is in no way a real game and that ads are more than enough to pay for its bandwith. 

Oh, and here is the kind of ”relevant ad” Gaia Online used to display: 

**NOTE** I take no credit for this picture. It has been sent to me by e-mail and the author prefer to remain unanymous. 

What kind of message are they trying to send? That women are objects? That women need to wear cute little uniforms and that the sole point of their life has to be seduction? And frankly how could Gaia ever show this to 13-14 years old children? This is one of the reasons we are so disgusted of Gaia Online; not only do they sell virtual crap at a super-expensive price, but they still harass us with their crappy, ugly ads.

Since then, Gaia stopped that kind of advertising (obviously), but you can still see that ads presently on the website are always directected at children, such as smilies, education material, etc.

The only way to be 100% sure you won’t be banned is to not play Gaia Online. Else, be ready for one of the most frustrating experiences of your life. 

Perhaps the number one reason why Gaia Online is their attitude with the bans. Generally, people tend to underestimage the gravity of a ban. Let’s state it once and for all: when you are banned, you lost all your items, all your friends, all your gold and every single second you’ve put into this game. You start — if you’re crazy enough to — from point one, with nothing but a newbie quest. Whatever time, hour, money or effort you put into the game is lost. 

Whenever banned, most people think that a nice letter to a nice representative will fix it. This is simply not true. In case you wonder about it, here is the whole process.

1) You get banned. A letter is sent to the e-mail associated with your account. If you’ve forgot this e-mail, you are lost.

2) The letter states the reason of your ban, which is either scamming, or botting/hacking. From now on, you need to prove your innocence.

3) You choose to appeal your ban. Your message is either deleted, or read after 1 month.

4) *IF* your e-mail is read, you will be reconfirmed the reason why you were banned, and that’s it. They don’t even read your e-mail. They don’t care if you are innocent or not; they don’t get money from unbanning you so they most likely won’t. 

5) Assuming you have very solid proofs (that won’t be read), you will be redirected to their ToS and encouraged to stop writing to them. Assuming you don’t, they simply won’t reply.

And that will be the end of your gaia experience as we know it! 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

WHY DO THEY BAN SO MUCH?

As you may or may not know, Gaia Online sells gold and item on their site. Thus, the less gold there is, the more people will want to buy it (offer and demand). By deleting extra-items, they cause prices to raise and people to want gold more. Another reason is that they try to sell gold selling websites (that usually sell the gold much cheaper) so that people buy the gold from them and not cheaper. To resume, they ban people strictly so that they can make more money. 

Also, they know that once banned, you will be back and eager to get back what you have lost. Therefore, they do not really lose anything and manage to piss off about every single Gaia Online player

People often think that whining, bitching and crying will get their accounts back. Nothing is further from the truth. Gaia Online doesn’t give a shit about you. All their e-mails (if they read your ban appeal), they will answer with a pre-formated e-mail that often isn’t even linked with your concern. 

HERE IS THE LIST OF REASONS THAT CAN LEAD TO A BAN :

1) You play too much. If you choose to lurk and refresh pages, even manually, you will be tagged as a ”refresher”. If you play too much in a day, you will be tagged as ”Chinese farmer”.

2) If you’ve ever been banned before, even one year ago, then your IP address is tagged, and you are at their mercy! As soon as you do ONE little mistake (such as ONE flaming or spamming), your IP will be investigated, and you will be banned.

3)If you ever logged on your account at a cybercafé or school and someone chooses to hack then, you will be banned! Because you have an IP in the same IP range as the hacker, your account will be blocked! 

4)If you receives one milion gold or more from a stranger and accept it — because duh, who would refuse this — you might be banned! Why? Because you were obviously ”buying gold”

5)If you ever see an item at an extremely low price at auctions and buy it, you might be banned as they will suspect you are buying gold!

6)If you ever mistype your price while selling a junk item, you could be banned! Another obvious proof of powerselling.

7)If you have ever botted before, in any form or way, you are at risk of being perma-banned at any time. Let’s say trade for an account that has botted one year ago, you can still be banned! 

8)If you run a charity and receives lots of item and gold from people, you could be banned!

9)If you have multiple accounts and trade all of the gold to your main, you WILL be banned.

10)If anyone in your family get banned, you will get banned too, even if you didn’t do anything! Simply because of the IP address.

11)If you get hacked and the hacker use your account to spam, to trade gold or for anything that breaks their ToS, you will be banned! How ridiculous is this?

12)If they do a server upgrade and you get accidently banned, good luck getting unbanned, even if you didn’t do anything at all. They seem to think accidents cannot happen, and will very rarely listen to you, even if you are 100% rights. They have better things to do, like releasing more 2,50$ crap.

13)If you start to be too rich, ten millions and more, be ready to be scanned over every single action you’ve done. And if you did ONE thing that they do not like, bye bye!

14)If you piss off a mod bad enough, or worse an admin, expect to get the consequences. 

15)If you run a competition but do not give the prize to the winner, you can be banned for ‘’scamming”. What? What a fucking bullshit! It’s a competition, no one paid to participate and I can still get banned because I changed my mind? What the fuck!

Yes, reasons for bans are that crazy. Basically, they see botters and hackers everywhere, and sometimes invent them. They have no solid systems against botters and prefer to ban almost randomly, even if they ban mostly innocents (over 50% of people banned for botted never used a bot of their whole life). Oh, and did I said appealing is almost impossible?

Left and right, we see people getting banned from Gaia Online because they left too much comments in avatar, posted too much, or have shown ”bot look-alike” patterns. How can you prevent being banned? There seem to be only three ways:

1) Send donations each month. They won’t cut a 2,50$ monthly income that easily, or at least not without solid proofs (Proofs that they should get for everyone, but oh well!)

2) Do not play. That’s the only way you can be sure you won’t be banned.

3) Only log on your computer. Don’t play for too much, never accept trade requests from strangers, never flame, never bitch, never be sad, never troll, don’t play games too much, take breaks, buy donations and obey to every single word the moderators say (because they are always right, aren’t they). If someone insults you, report him and do not respond. Whenever posting something, make it 50 words or more. Never follow the same pattern around the website and dress your avatar in an incredibly good-looking form and shape. Have a journal and frequently update it while still submitting art and avatar to their arenas (botters and farmers don’t do that). Finally, log in every day and never accumulate over five millions gold in your account. Never log on gold selling website or anti-Gaia website (meaning it’s already too late) and if you do, delete your history, log, cookie and temporary internet files (just in case). Never scam, never think of scamming and get every gold legitly. Try to buy gold if you can and always be extremely polite with everyone, even when they threaten you of death. Send compliments to moderators every day and do not do a single action too much. Crazy? I can’t even assure that you are on the safe side if you do everything listed here.

Gaia, I know some of you will at some point read this. Please refer to our ”What we ask” sections to see possible solutions for this huge problem (perhaps the biggest).

Most people believe the point of this website is to shut down Gaia Online. While it would certainly please us a lot, there are indeed other ways around it. Nothing would be easier than starting to improve Gaia Online. And here is how:

First, Gaia MUST stop accepting cash by mail and ask for parental or tutor agreement for money orders. I KNOW this will make them lose a lot of money but it’s the number one concern against children.

Second, Gaia should really start adding content. It’s almost ridiculous that they perpertually delay new conten without any advice. More specifically, they should put a calendar of upcoming items, and respect it. 

Third– and this is the main point — Gaia should go much softer on bans. First, there should ALWAYS be a real investigation before any kind of bans. We understand that there are people that deserve to be banned, but this should always be after all other options have been envisaged. There should be temporary bans first and permanent bans only after the offender has been throughfully warned. There should also be ”Last Chance” warning before a complete ban is initiated, and the ban should be by IP too.

Four, Gaia Online must take more severe measures against pedophiles. They already warn users about scam, but children abuse should be their priority, not just a lost cause somewhere in their ToS.

5th, Gaia should make the 5$ advertising in their shop buyable by gold and not real money.

6th, Gaia should stop selling gold, or at least sell it at a better price so you don’t need to empty your pocket just to get gold. 1$/5000$ would already be better.

7th, Gaia should stop putting so much pressure. We KNOW they have new monthly items, but it’s not a reason to put it on every single page.

8th, remove the 1,49$ surcharge for payment by mail.

9th, make severe penalties for flaming, trolling and stupid posts. Have negative gold cause you to lose items and even be banned from forums (until you pay your debts)

10th (or however you say it), limit the number of accounts a single IP can have to 10.

11th, make gold penalties over time much more sever. For example, after one hour, the gold income should be reduced to almost 0 for all actions, until you have stopped playing for 1 complete hour. After four cumulated daily hours of playing, gold income should be negative for every action you do.

12th, put the PG13 warning on the main page and clearly visible at registering.

13th, change the marketing plan and stop directing it at children. 

UPDATE November 12: Gaia Online actually removed the surchage for mail orders! Incredible, one down, 12 to go!

What kind of dipshit are you?

There are Five kinds of Gaia Online Players that range from ”annoying” to ”deadly annoying”. Here are there, presented in order from less annoying to most.     

• The ”I live 20 years in the past” are dipshit that got nothing better to do than playing Gaia. They always whine about how Gaia was so great two years ago and how it sucks so bad now.
• The ”2kool4skool” are typically high school dropout. They believe they are expert in everything and flame everyone because they are so superior, but they don’t realize they will finish their lifes bagging groceries.
• The ”I should be shot” category regroups all the annoying, whining little kids that keep getting scammed and keep crying about everything. From far the largest category, they are alsovery, very annoying.
• The ”At birth, doctors doubted of my sex” regroups the worst ”I should be shot” has to offer. These are typically ”I should be shot”, but elite version. Youngest category, these kids spend all day on the forums bitching at every single thing and trolling every single thread. Their dream in life is to get attention.
• The ”Gaia is serious business” category regroups every person that believes Gaia is everything. They play all day, almost fanatically, and believes everythings mods say. For them, Lanzer is God and Gaia terms of service are their credo

Which category do you belong in? Take this quiz to find out!

1) I play Gaia Online because:

I got nothing better to do.  

I am still unsure of my sexual orientation.  

I’m a failure at life and at least there I feel like I have friends.  

Because I think virtual people and items matter.  

All of above.  

2) Item I dream of getting:

I got my dream avatar already ^_^.

I ALMOST had my dream avatar but I got banned

A DEVIL TAIL! Althought I win 500g per day, I feel I can get the 5 millions in a nearby future. 

An REAL O’RLY hat, win tha fight against nudity rofl! I already asked it for my birthday and my parents will buy it over my little spoiled ass that get everything he wants.  

Dreaming is for losers. I do not have time to dream, I work (because it’s a work now) hard to get what I want.  

3) I send donations

Each month, first one in line. I love to be raped by men. 

Each month. I fall in all their marketing bullshit. 

Sometimes when I can convince my parents to.

Rarely. Monthly items used to be better anyway.  

Never. I play so much that I don’t need them.  

4) If you could change one thing in Gaia Online, what would it be?

I’d make gold easier to get LEL 

I’d make the house arena work for real. Just kidding, no one can do that.

I’d make it so that Administrators stopped raping us. But what would be the point of the game then? 

I’d make donations more expensive. I’m sure the dipshits would pay anyway. I know I would.  

I’d make Gaia Online like it was 2 years ago.  

5) If you were to meet Derek Liu, what would you do?

Kick him in the nuts!!!! He is the reason for Global Warming!!!! 

Kiss him, take a picture and trade the picture for 1,000,000g.

Cry with him over what his forums have become 

Ask him to marry him. Too bad I’m over 14   

Give him my monthly donation right now. I’d save on shipping fees. I could even give him a very ‘’special” donation.  

6) If Gaia Online was a religion and made a suicide pact, would you respect it?

What? Gaia is not a religion? With all the time I spend on it, I wish it would at least bring me closer to heavens!!!!!

I already plan on suiciding anyway.

Who gives a shit about virtual pacts? 

I’ve already tried to suicide three times, and failed each time, so chances are that I would fail again. I’m a failure at life.  

No. If I died, I couldn’t play Gaia anymore!!!!  

7) If Gaia was shut down, I would:

Wonder what has happened to the donations I sent. 

Cry. No big difference because I always whine about everything. 

Join another pointless web-based bullshit game (see: neopets)

Blame GaiaOnlineSucks for it  

Don’t scare me like this…  

8 ) If I suddenly got perma-banned, I would:

Cry and beg admins for a second chance.

Talk to my father, my grand-father, my nephew, my uncle and my friends who are all lawyers about a lawsuit.

Suicide.

Be back in 10 mins with items from friends.  

Wonder what will happen to my e-girlfriend, not realizing she was a man from the beginning.  

9) I get a PM asking for my password. I:

QUICKLY ANSWER IT ! Noooooo deletion!!!!!!

Report it the the admin and then write back to the guy saying how he got PWNED and how he will get banned, not realizing it’s a bot that does not read anything.

Make a topic in GD about it. Hopefully I can get gold from it!!!! 

Whine on about how GaiaOnline used to be better and how everything was so good two years ago.  

Use the idea to steal accounts for my own purpose. After six bans for scamming, I would kill myself.  

10) It’s a nice, clean, sunny vacations day. You choose to:

Play GaiaOnline all day.

Masturbate.

Play GaiaOnline while masturbating 

Study hard for your ”interior design” class just in case you get a surprise-test.  

Go out with my girlfriend. Too bad I don’t have a girlfriend!!!!  

”I originally thought that only homosexuals would play Gaia Online. Boy, was I wrong!” — Derek Liu, maker of Gaia Online 

A few months ago, one of our employees, Medley, had the privilege to meet Derek Liu The Great, the mastermind of Gaia Online and member of FBI Top 10 Most Wanted. Four months later, we were offered this unique chance again, and after sacrificing a lamb in a summoning ritual, Derek Liu appeared to us, fatter and nerdier than ever. It was a unique chance to interview him for the launching of GaiaOnlineSucks so naturally we weren’t going to miss it. Chaos Programmer, from Chaos Programming, led the interview for us!

Chaos Programmer: Dear Derek Liu, thank you for giving us this interview. As you know, we are here to celebrate the official launch of GaiaOnlineSucks.com. Any comment you’d like to make on this website, Mister Liu?

Derek Liu: Madam Liu.

CP: Oh. What happened?

DL: Do you need a picture?

CP: Uhh… No thanks. Tell me something, huh… madam Liu: Gaia Online has been around since 2003 or so. GaiaOnlineSucks.com domain name was purchased in 2007. Yahoo, wikipedia, google, world of warcraft, chacha, everquest and neopets repesctive ‘’sucks’’ domains have all been purchased by their respective owners. Why didn’t you do the same? A domain is only 2 dollars a year.

DL: Yeah… well… now that you mention it… I guess I didn’t expect anyone from Gaia Online to have the intelligence to make a website. Also, I must say I prefer to invest my money into estrogens. 

CP: Or hot hentai porn on the fire!

DL: Ah, shut up. You’re pissing me off with this stupid gag I made.

CP: Sorry…what’s wrong, madam Liu, you seem so bitter and sad…

DL: Sorry, I’m in my week [he/she starts to cry with a sad face ]

CP: Alright. Just wondering… is there anything special you do in your… week?

DL: I ban hundreds of random people I tagged as ‘’obviously botting’’ although they never touched a fucking bot of their lives, just for the hell of it. I also release even more stupid donations crap with a big poster saying ‘’GIVE MORE MONEY YOU ASSHOLES’’ and generally just act like a fucking bitch that loves to piss off everyone I see. Wait a minute… that’s what I do everyday…

CP: Yeah, that’s true. A comment about the Automatic Unbanner Chaos Programming made. This was a long awaited project and led to a complete revolution on Gaia Online. What do you think of it?

DL: Well… it’s actually easier to unban an account using unbanner than using the PhP controls (that I never fully understood anyway). To resume, I purchased the unbanner to unban any account that would have been banned by mistake.

CP: You mean you already unbanned unfairly banned accounts?

DL: No, of course not, but that could happen in the future, and I prefer to be prepared. That’s called risk management.

CP: Like when you give kids gold after raping them?

DL: Exactly. That way, I don’t get any problem, and FBI don’t get any neither.

CP: I see. What can you tell us about the history of Gaia Online?

DL: It sucked from step one to now.

CP: Yeah but… where did the idea came from?

DL: Gaia Online was originally called ‘’Gay-a Online’’ and was a place for homosexuals and pedophiles to meet. Its goal still hasn’t changed, but it is now known as Gaia Online. Marketing purposes.

CP: Correct. What surprised you the most off Gaia Online?

DL: I originally though that only homosexuals would play Gaia Online. Boy, what I wrong!

CP: Indeed, as it is now one of the biggest English board on the internet, which shows Internet II might not be such as bad idea, after all. Anyway, could you please tell us an EXCLUSIVE ‘’secret’’ about the future of Gaia Online?

DL: It’s going to keep sucking hardcore.

CP: That’s… not a secret, madam Liu!

DL: It used to be one before GaiaOnlineSucks.com came out.

CP: Very true madam Liu. Before we move on the next part, can you tell us a bit more about your future projects?

DL: I am currently working on a website called ‘’Pedophiles Online’’ which will be a game similar to Gaia Online, except that the point of the game will be to undress the avatar instead of dressing it. That’s pure genius since all necessary items are already drawn. The avatar will come already fully suited and for 2.50$ per month you will be allowed to remove one cloth of your choice. We expect the first avatar to be fully naked at around 2044.

CP: Wow, nice! Okay, we are now moving to my favourite part of the interview: the rapid-fire questions. Whatever we ask, you have to answer in less than five seconds. Clear enough! Ready?

DL: No, but neither was Gaia Online when I released it.

CP: First question: What is your dream in life?

DL: To purchase a big boat called ‘’Inside pleasures’’ and put a lot of little kids from Gaia Online on it and then navigate to international waters. Bye bye, American laws! Bye bye, age of consent! Pff… like I respected age of consent anyway! 

CP: Hmmm… that was longer than five seconds, but oh well, I can’t really expect you to follow such a simple rule. Alright, madam Liu second question, from forum members of Chaos Programming: why are you so strict on botters?

DL: Because I can’t tolerate to see programmers more talented than me.

CP: You must not tolerate to see a lot of people!

DL: How do you think I choose my moderators! (Starts to laugh)

CP: Ha ha ha! What do you have to answer to the people saying you are a fucker that you would do anything for cash?

DL: That they got a good sense of observation.

CP: What do you answer to GaiaOnlineSucks when they say Gaia Online has been incredibly boring and going downhill since 2006?

DL: I’d ask them where they were in 2004 because Gaia was still as boring and shitty.

CP: Very true, mister Liu! Next question: if you could go back in time to fix one mistake, which one would it be?

DL: My birth.

CP: Do you prefer to rape males or females?

DL: No preferences.

CP: Speaking of it, have you decided if you wanted to be a man or woman yet?

DL: Not really, no. My surgeon keeps changing it every week.

CP: But… isn’t it hard to remove and put back the… you know, the penis?

DL: Bahhhhh… it’s so small anyway.

CP: Huh, alright. What is your favourite travel location?

DL: Thailand.

CP: Ahh? You like Thai food?

DL (laughing): Yeah, the food, right *rollesyes*.

CP: What do you answer to GOS accusations of Gaia Online being a pedophile heaven?

DL: Any place I will be will be a pedophile heaven.

CP: If you could fix one thing forever in Gaia Online, what would it be?

DL: Everything.

CP: If you could have sex with one of Gaia avatars, would you do it?

DL: Why do you even ask?

CP: Do you have a pet?

DL(lol’ing): Yeah… a very ‘’special’’ kind of pet. ROFLMAO!

CP: Do you intend to have kids?

DL(lol’ing even more): Ha ha ha oh my god stop with the jokes!

CP: Ha ha ha sorry about that! Madam Liu, thank you, sincerely, for your time! Anything we can wish you for the future of Gaia Online?

DL: That it will be shut down.

CP: But then, where would the little kids go?

DL: In my bed.

CP: Ha ha ha! Alright, madam Liu, good luck in… whatever you are planning!

Discuss this article in our forums!